Meditation Obstacles: practical guidance for beginners

As we settle into the new year, there seems no better time, and no better circumstances, to consider ways of inviting more peace into our lives.

For all of its well-documented benefits, meditation doesn’t always feel accessible to most of us. At the core of this lies a common misconception that there’s a “right way” and a “wrong way” to do it.  In order to do it right it has to look and feel a certain way (enter the image of a buddhist master sitting motionless for hours atop a mountain, achieving measurable states of nirvana) — contrasted against our own experience which often looks something more like restlessness, boredom, confusion, agitation and annoyance.  It’s no wonder we feel like it’s not working.

In truth, all of us experience these emotional states (they are very much part of the way) and one of the most helpful things we can do is simply acknowledge the typical obstacles that arise as a way of normalizing the practice and staying with it.

Just as none of us would expect to become a triathlete overnight, it’s no different with training our minds — (no matter how easy it may look).  We start from the start, commit to a consistent practice (small amounts of time initially) and build incrementally.

The reflections I share today have helped guide me along this humbling journey; my hope is that some may serve you too ~ a final note, this feature is less about the mechanics of meditation (posture; eye position; returning attention to the anchor, etc.) and more about process; for the mechanics of meditation (also important) please have a look at some of the resources under finding a teacher below. 

It will feel uncomfortable  

Sometimes we are quick to reach the conclusion that meditation isn’t working or that we’re not doing it ‘right’ when we encounter our mind’s resistance.  We may feel distracted, restless, agitated or bored and we’re definitely not “achieving” anything.  The mind’s resistance is so natural and predictable yet it can often derail us, acting to confirm our perception of failure and suspicion that it’s just not for us.  If we go into it instead with the knowledge that what’s unfamiliar will carry discomfort (sometimes a lot of it) and that our mind is doing exactly what everyone else’s mind does initially, it can be enormously relieving.  Resistance is normal, you’re not doing it wrong, the trick is to keep going.

Start small, really small

In meditation, the amount of time you spend is not as important as the consistency of the practice. Well-intentioned, overly-ambitious goals have a way of fizzling out quickly, taking our resolve along with it. We end up feeling defeated before giving it a proper chance.  Setting a small, achievable window of time — like 5 minutes to start — can change everything.  It may seem trivial but it’s not. The more you meet the target, the more you’ll grow into the practice and, possibly more important, the more you’ll believe in yourself and your ability to stay with it. Start with a short achievable window, commit to it every day (or nearly every day), and build incrementally over time.

First Thing in the Morning

Meditation is available any time of day but I’ve found it especially helpful first thing in the morning before the external world starts to populate my thoughts; there’s a purity of heart and an openness of mind that feels different upon waking and this quality is not always easy to recapture later in the day.  As a practical matter, it’s also really helpful for establishing routine and consistency, discussed above, to set this short piece of time aside before the tides of the day take over and things may or may not bring you back to this opportunity for practice.

Let your breath be natural

There are an infinite number of breathing methods that can be explored in meditation over time but you may not want to tackle them all at the outset.  In the beginning, it can be helpful to just breathe naturally.  The over-management of the breath (counting or using words to bring attention to the in in in, out, out, out, etc) can be distracting and distressing.  We can end up unconsciously trying to control our breath and this can lead to hyperventilation.  For those of us who find it especially difficult to relax, and aim to do it right, this can also trigger hypervigilance, which is the opposite experience we want to invite. You can still be aware of your breath, and rest your attention there, while letting it be natural.

Don’t look for progress in meditation, observe it in your life

Quantifying progress in meditation is tricky — the desire to do this can have us waiting on experiencing certain sensations or visions/clarifications to big life questions.  In my experience, this isn’t really how meditation works.  Of course it’s possible to experience all of these things but just as likely, or more likely, you won’t experience any of them.  Anticipating certain outcomes risks feeding back into the narrative of failure when it doesn’t happen.  The more we grasp at it being a certain way, the further it gets.  Letting go of all that, and just allowing things to be what they are allows us to increase our window of tolerance, invite greater peace and start to see how the practice evolves off the cushion and into our lives.  We may find, for example, that we are less reactive to situations than we were in the past or that we have greater ease, clarity and concentration; this awareness is built over time and can give us some insight into our growth.

Find a teacher who resonates with you

Having a basic understanding of meditation can be really helpful for simplifying the process, dispelling some of the more common misconceptions and receiving support along the way.  There are many ways to approach this including introductory books, guided meditations (solo or in community online – most are free of charge – see for example: Tara Brach guided meditations; Jeff Warren’s the do nothing project guided meditations) and courses. Finding the right guidance is personal and often subtle — the inflection of someone’s voice, how they present in the world and the touch points that connect you.  All of these will resonate differently with each of us.  That said, a few powerful teachers from my perspective would include: Pema Chödrön; Tara Brach, Jack Kornfield & Jeff Warren.  Most offer guided meditations as well as introductory books on meditation.  Of note, Jeff Warren created an introductory course on meditation for Calm (the Calm app) a couple years ago that is an excellent place to start – approachable, clear instruction delivered with his characteristic down-to-earth style. The 10 minute (ish) sessions provide great structure and explore different themes in meditation.  A wonderful initiation and launching pad for independent practice (I believe most meditation apps including Calm offer a free trial period so there’s an opportunity to explore before committing to purchase).